WONDERING

It is difficult to understand life sometimes. It is just wierd. You don't get it. What's happening or why the hell is it happening or the way it does. It makes you wonder what exactly you want to do or be. Do you even know yourself or not. Do you even know the people around you or not. It all keeps running in your head and you just can't stop thinking. I don't know if I am even true to myself anymore. I cant get it. Like I don't know what I do or why I do it. I just do it without thinking about the cons. Also its like I feel I don't care about anyone anymore. Which is totally not me I think. But I dont even know who I am exactly. So maybe this is the real me. The selfish one. I used to love to stay around people always. Have a big group of friends, always share stuff and now I just push people away. I don't care  about them or thier feelings anymore. I just push them away. And I don't know why so I dont know how to sort it. I have started feeling more emptier maybe. I fill that by doing stupid things like smoke. But even that doesn't really help. Maybe am not as complicated as I am making it seem by just overthinking. I dont even know why the hell am I talking/writing to myself. Complicating shit just like that. Maybe am just an attention seeker. I dont even know my self. Wtf!